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my10pagepaperisat0 pages right now and I’m So Screwed

Well, well, well. Look who’s staring down the barrel of a fast-approaching deadline with nary a coherent argument or salient point to show for it. What’s that old saying – failing to prepare is preparing to fail? You’ve certainly got the failing to prepare part down pat. But don’t sweat it, procrastination pro – you’ve still got time to churn out ten pages of barely passable drivel bound to elicit a disappointed sigh and a weary “C minus” from your professor. Just crank up the caffeine, crack those knuckles, and let your inner BS artist shine. This ain’t your first rodeo, and it definitely won’t be your last. Chin up, soldier. It’s time to rage against the dying of your GPA.

my10pagepaperisat0 pages right now and I’m Freaking Out

The clock is ticking.

The minutes are slipping away, and you’ve got jack squat on the page. Panic is setting in as you come to terms with the fact that you majorly screwed the pooch on this one. How did this even happen? You had weeks to get started, and yet here you are the night before with nothing but the title and your name at the top of a blank page. The guilt and self-loathing are real, but now’s not the time for emotions. Now’s the time for action.

Red Bull and Adderall to the rescue!

To hell with health and well-being, you need chemical assistance to power through this Herculean task ahead. Pop an Addy, chug a Red Bull, put on some pounding electronica, and let your fingers fly across the keyboard in a manic frenzy. Type now, edit later. Pour out every thought in your addled mind without judgment. You can always reorganize and polish your stream-of-consciousness masterpiece once you have something down on the page.

Don’t forget to cite your sources!

In your crazed rush to fill space, don’t forget that you need to back up your claims with evidence from legitimate sources. Your professor will never buy that your unfounded opinions on the emergence of agriculture in Mesopotamia are authoritative. Take a quick study break to search out some scholarly articles, academic journals, and non-fiction books on your topic. Skim, summarize, paraphrase, and directly quote whatever you can to make it seem like you did the reading, even if you didn’t crack a book until this moment.

You got this! Now get off Reddit, put your phone on silent, and channel your inner procrastinator for the fight of your academic life. The night is young, and you have many pages left to fill. Godspeed!

Tips for Writing a 10 Page Paper in a Short Amount of Time

Panic now, panic often. The only appropriate reaction when realizing your magnum opus is due in a matter of hours and you haven’t even picked a topic is outright panic. Run around screaming for a bit, then take a few deep breaths and get to work. You can have your nervous breakdown once the paper’s done.

Choose a broad topic.

Don’t have time to narrow down to one specific aspect of the French Revolution? No problem. Pick the entire French Revolution and go to town. With a broad topic, you’ll have plenty of material to hit that page count. Just make sure to include vague statements like “the causes of the French Revolution were complex and multifaceted.” Boom, that’s 10 words down right there.

Use big fonts and wide margins.

No one specified what size font or margins to use, so take advantage! A size 14 font and 1.5 inch margins will make that paper look longer than it really is. Your professor will be so impressed with how much you wrote that they won’t even notice the font is big enough for the visually impaired to read.

Fluff and repeat.

When in doubt, just fluff and repeat. Say the same thing in as many different ways as possible. Define terms you don’t need to define. Give examples that are all basically the same. Describe historical events in excruciating detail. Your professor will be so bored by the repetition that they won’t even finish reading, and you’ll get an automatic A!

Cite irrelevant sources.

Needing just a few more pages? Start citing sources, even if they’re not directly relevant. The page numbers from the sources will bump up your own page count and no one will be the wiser. Your prof won’t actually check all the sources, so they’ll just be impressed by how much “research” you did.

How to Stay Motivated and Focused to Write Your Paper

Turn off Your Distractions

Look, we get it. Your phone is emitting an irresistible siren song of social media, games, and anything else to distract you from this paper you now regret taking on. But unless you disable notifications and go into airplane mode, you’ll never get past the opening paragraph. Turn off the TV, close your laptop tabs, and try not to think about how your friends are probably out having fun without you. Focus! This paper won’t write itself, no matter how hard you avoid it.

Start Writing, Even If It’s Terrible

Staring at a blank page is the world’s biggest creativity killer. Just start typing whatever comes to mind about your topic, no matter how disorganized or pointless it seems. Getting your ideas flowing is half the battle. You can always edit and reorganize later, but you can’t edit a blank page. Start with your outline or just dive right into the introduction. The important thing is to start.

Take Frequent Breaks

We know, you just got in the zone and the words are pouring out. But take a quick break every 30 minutes or so to recharge. Step away from your desk, stretch your legs, grab a snack. Do some light exercise like yoga or jumping jacks. Your brain and body will thank you, and you’ll return to your paper reinvigorated. If you plow through for hours without rest, your energy and creativity will crash and you’ll end up wasting time staring blankly at the screen. Take the breaks, even if you don’t think you need them. Your paper will be better for it.

Keep your eyes on the prize: a finished paper and maintaining your GPA. You can do this! Now get back to that outline, flesh it out, and try not to check your notifications. The end is in sight, even if you can’t see it yet. You’ve got this!

Conclusion

So here you sit, dear procrastinator, with nary a word on the page though a 10-pager looms. Was YouTube truly so captivating? Did that cat video marathon whisk away the hours? Perhaps, but time yet remains to pound out some paragraphs. Brew a pot, crack those knuckles, and let the keys clatter. Throw coherence to the wind and let word count be your guide. String together some sentences, add a quote or two, expand that margin and voila! You’ll be staring down the barrel of 10 in no time. Chin up, slacker. This too shall pass. Now stop reading and start writing, the clock is ticking!

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